Sharing custody can be a source of frustration, as most people do not relish the idea of frequently interacting with a former romantic partner. They may also resent the need to spend weekends and holidays separated from their children. Most co-parents eventually work out an arrangement in which they cooperate with one another and uphold the custody order approved by the courts.
Unfortunately, some people refuse to abide by custody orders and go out of their way to cause problems. They might consistently show up late for custody exchanges, causing delays and inconveniencing other parents while simultaneously reducing how much time they can spend with their children. How do parents frustrated by late custody exchanges address the issue?
By documenting the issue
Simply complaining about delayed custody exchanges does nothing to remedy the situation. Those who want their full time with their children and to make it to work or scheduled appointments on time need evidence about what has occurred. Keeping consistent records of every late custody exchange and any real-world consequences generated by those seemingly minor custody order violations is important. One parent can potentially show a significant impact on their parenting time and life. They can also establish that the issue is a habitual one, not just a one-time occurrence.
By using a parenting app
Some people lack the organizational skills to manage co-parenting without support. It should not fall on the other adult in the family to remind them when they need to leave for a custody exchange. The consistent use of a parenting app can help by keeping all of the family’s custody information in one place. Someone unsure about when they need to meet their co-parent can use a co-parenting app to validate the schedule and any adjustments they may have recently made. Parenting apps can also provide a documented form of communication when people must address co-parenting challenges.
By asking for a modification
If using a parenting app and communicating about the issue directly do not lead to improved custody exchanges, going back to court might be an option. Family courts can approve custody modifications in scenarios that involve repeat custody violations. In extreme cases, a judge might even hold one parent in contempt of court because of their refusal to abide by the existing custody order.
Taking action, instead of just letting frustrations simmer, may be a smart move for those co-parenting with someone who shows up late consistently.
On Behalf of Law Offices of Jayson A. Soobitsky, P.A. | Sep 30, 2023 | Divorce |
Divorce has a way of shaking people up and making them realize that they were actually feeling stifled and constrained in their marriages. It can be very liberating to suddenly realize that you don’t have to check with anybody else about major – or minor – decisions in your life (unless you’re still co-parenting with your ex).
If you’re pursuing a divorce or have recently finalized one, it may be shocking to the system to realize that you can go where you want and do what you want, at least more often than you used to. Now that you’re free, how can you effectively reclaim your independent spirit and build a new life? These are some tips that may help.
Take some time to self-reflect and heal
You will need to take some time to heal and reflect on your past relationship. Divorce can bring a whirlwind of emotions, and you need to process these feelings in a healthy way. Consider seeking the support of a therapist or counselor to help you navigate this emotional terrain.
Prioritize self-care as much as possible
During your marriage, you may have had to put your spouse’s needs ahead of your own far too often. Now, you need to give yourself “permission to be selfish” and prioritize your own needs, whatever those may be. For some people, that can mean embracing a healthier diet or meditation and taking up yoga. For others, it means putting everything you own in storage and going on a six-month hiking vacation.
Reconnect with old passions or find new hobbies
One of the best ways to regain your independence is by rediscovering the things that bring you joy. Think back to the things you loved to do before your marriage and the activities you may have set aside because there was never enough time. Whether it’s painting, hiking, dancing or playing a musical instrument, it’s not too late to reconnect with those passions. If there’s something you’ve always wanted to try, now is also a great time to throw yourself into a new hobby.
Rebuild your social connections
Divorce usually leads to changes in your social circle, so rebuilding your support network is important. Reach out to old friends, join clubs or social groups that align with your interests, and surround yourself with positive, supportive people who can help you regain your confidence and sense of belonging.
Set new goals
When you were married, most of your goals probably included your spouse – so now you need to hit “reset” and find new ones. Setting clear objectives gives you a sense of purpose and direction. Whether it’s pursuing a new career, completing your degree or traveling to a dream destination, having goals to work toward can feel incredibly empowering.
Remember that this journey is about rediscovering your sense of self and creating a life that reflects your values and desires. Experienced legal guidance can help you as you proceed through your divorce, if it is pending. If you’re already divorced, know that you can seek legal guidance any time that challenges arise that could benefit from a professional’s insight.
gturnercontentcustoms | Jul 6, 2023 | Divorce |
Living the best life possible after divorce often means approaching the process with the right attitude and knowledge. Divorcing spouses in Maryland have to divide their property and also work out arrangements for any children that they share with each other.
At the end of the process, spouses either agree with one another on certain key terms or ask a judge to settle their disagreements. During financial negotiation or litigation, there are two common approaches – that are, ultimately, misconduct – by one spouse that can lead to a less appropriate and fair solution for the other.
The dissipation of marital assets
Someone who doesn’t want to share their property with their spouse might damage, destroy or give away marital property. They might also empty bank accounts or spend every last available cent of credit on a credit card. When one spouse intentionally takes steps to reduce the value of the marital estate, that dissipation may potentially influence how a judge divides property in the divorce. They might exclude a debt accrued vindictively right before filing the divorce from property division completing or consider the value of assets given away or destroyed when dividing other property.
The possibility of hidden assets
To reasonably and fairly divide property between two people, a judge has to understand what assets and income they accrued throughout the marriage. The same is true of a spouse requesting a fair settlement in their divorce. They can’t set realistic expectations if they don’t actually understand the marital estate.
Some people hide physical property or drastically underestimate what their assets are worth to deprive their spouse of part of the marital estate. Others will have a secret bank account or other assets that they never shared with their spouse despite acquiring them with marital income. Some people have to go over their household financial records very carefully to track down signs of hidden assets so that they can claim their fair share of the marital estate in their divorce.
Understanding the most common types of financial misconduct that influence the outcome of divorces may help people better prepare for their upcoming divorce negotiations or family court.
Tips for successful co-parenting
by 2249029 | Mar 22, 2023 | Child Custody, Divorce |
Co-parenting children comes with its own set of challenges and it can be difficult for parents, even for the most well-intentioned ones. There are often obstacles to overcome before reaching an arrangement that provides stability for the child and that works for both parents. It is a balancing act between the parents and trying to make the arrangement as easy as possible for the children is critical.
Suggestions for preventing or reducing conflict between co-parents include:
Communicate
Communication is critical in every relationship. Even after a divorce, parents are still tied to each other because of the children they share, which can be stressful at times, especially when the parties try to move on with their personal lives.
However, effective communication is one of the most essential things co-parents can do. Keeping the lines of communication open, being respectful of one another and avoiding the practice of putting the children in the middle are great ways to avoid disputes between the parents.
Be flexible
No parent is perfect, and even though parents may have an excellent parenting plan that works for everyone, sometimes things come up. Life can be unpredictable and unexpected events happen, resulting in a need for flexibility in schedules or plans. It is vital for parents to understand that being flexible is mutually beneficial and it sets a good example for the children.
Remain positive
Expressing a positive attitude toward the other parent can truly make a difference in your co-parenting arrangement. When parents are willing to collaborate and work together to foster a positive co-parenting environment for the children it makes the situation easier on everyone, especially the children.
Studies show that children do much better when their parents co-parent responsibly. Remember that while you divorced your spouse, you did not divorce your children. It is key to keep in mind the responsibilities that parents continue to have in raising their children well.
Co-parenting can be wonderful, and even the most well-intentioned parents may sometimes clash or have disagreements, which is why it is critical to keep the lines of communication open, to remain flexible and to approach co-parenting with a positive attitude.
gturnercontentcustoms | Jan 5, 2023 | Divorce |
Gray divorce occurs when couples who are very close to retirement age or who have enjoyed decades of marriage choose to end their relationships. Gray divorces have been on the rise in recent years even as divorce rates among younger people have declined.
There are many experts who loudly warn that gray divorces are dangerous for the people involved, as they may struggle to retire the way that they had planned to previously. Despite those sometimes well-founded concerns, the benefits of pursuing a gray divorce often far outweigh the costs involved in pursuing a divorce later in life.
What are some of the benefits of filing for divorce when you are close to or past the age of retirement?
1. Reducing your personal stress
Maybe you and your spouse fight constantly and turn every interaction into an argument. Perhaps you barely talk at all. You may find the thought of spending another two decades at home with them exhausting.
Those coping with some kind of spousal misconduct may find their marriage to be a serious source of stress. If your spouse cheats on you or wastes your shared resources by gambling or shopping unnecessarily, you will likely worry about your retirement stability. Divorcing when your spouse is a main source of your stress could actually protect your health during your retirement.
2. Making retirement living more feasible
Perhaps your spouse has become alienated from your children, and your kids have told you that they welcome you but will not allow the other parents to live with them if your health fails as you age. Maybe your spouse has never really carried their weight around the home and expects you to continue cooking and cleaning despite being retirement age yourself.
It can be a lot easier to manage a one-person household after divorce, and you may have an easier time connecting with social support from family and friends if you end a relationship with someone who is toxic to not just you but others.
3. Pursuing happiness in your golden years
Have you discovered that you love spicy food but your spouse hates the smell of curry? Do you want to travel while they would prefer to stay home watching old television reruns? Does your daily schedule tend to deviate from the one your spouse keeps, or have your values shifted?
If your looming retirement makes you imagine nothing but compromise and sacrifice, that is hardly an appropriate retirement after a long and productive adulthood. If you divorce, you may both be able to enjoy the retirement that will be best for each of you.
For many people, the possibility of chasing their own joy, choosing how they spend their days and even eating their favorite foods can be the most powerful motivation behind pursuing a divorce later in life.
gturnercontentcustoms | Oct 4, 2022 | Divorce |
Don’t fool yourself: Your kids know you, and they’re way more in-tune with what’s happening “behind the scenes” in your marriage than you think. Even if you and your spouse whisper-fight so that the kids don’t overhear what you’re saying, your children are bound to pick up on the stress, anxiety and frustrations in your marital relationship.
In other words, you can’t fake it convincingly enough to make your kids believe that you and your spouse are happy together. A divorce can allow you to put down your mask, begin to live authentically and start modeling good relationships for your kids – which can ultimately help their romantic relationships prosper in the future.
Good marital relationships require communication, boundaries and empathy
Nobody is perfect, and no marital relationship is without its trouble. To model a healthy relationship for your children, you have to focus on communication, boundaries and empathy.
What does that look like in a failing marriage? Consider these examples:
- Communication: By directly addressing the problems in your marriage and acknowledging that things aren’t working, you’re showing the kids that a passive-aggressive approach or resentful complacency isn’t the way to operate. Open communication gives you a chance to fix things – or start discussing what it will take to end the relationship and move on.
- Boundaries: You don’t want your children to constantly have their boundaries violated, do you? Then don’t allow your own to be crossed. By defining your limits and “deal-breakers” in a relationship, you show your kids that it’s okay to have standards. You’re not being unkind by refusing to accept poor behavior from your spouse.
- Empathy: Teaching your children to be kind requires modeling empathy. You can demonstrate this by recognizing that the attributes that make your spouse a poor partner don’t necessarily make them a poor parent or a poor human. Sometimes, two perfectly good people just aren’t good together.
Splitting up isn’t easy, but staying unhappily married may be an actual disaster that could lead to trauma that gets passed down through the generations. If your marriage isn’t working, find out what options you have to get unstuck from the current situation.
Will getting a divorce make you happier?
gturnercontentcustoms | Jun 30, 2022 | Divorce |
It is normal for people who have been married for a long time to have ups and downs. For most people, divorcing isn’t an option, because they know that there will be better times ahead. There are some points, however, when getting a divorce may be the right option.
Some people worry that they will never find happiness again if they divorce, but studies show that the results are mixed. People who are divorced might have higher psychological distress than married couples (including more unhappiness), but in other cases, divorcing can be a big relief and leave you feeling more calm and at peace.
When can a divorce make you happier?
A divorce may make you happier if you feel that you have no freedom in your relationship. If you’re a victim of abuse or are constantly stressed by your spouse, then divorcing could make sense, too.
Divorcing could give you the freedom to start doing things you stopped doing because of your spouse or because of being married. You can start dating again, go on independent adventures or simply spend your time doing other things you want on your time.
Are there times when a divorce could make you unhappy?
Divorce can make you unhappy, though, at least in the short-term. This is a major life change, and it can be distressing. Your situation could be volatile, and you may find it difficult to get through the challenges of the divorce.
It’s important for you to know that there are likely to be conflicts and disputes during your divorce, even if you and your spouse largely get along while separating.
Divorces can be a good option for some unhappy couples
All of that being said, divorce can be a good option for some couples who just don’t feel good about their relationships anymore. Sometimes, people do grow apart or need their space, and a divorce can give that to them.
Everyone’s situation is different. If you think a divorce is right for you, you may want to learn more about your legal options and what you can expect if you decide to move forward with your petition.
gturnercontentcustoms | Mar 31, 2022 | Divorce |
Divorce always requires family court oversight, but that doesn’t mean you have to litigate. You and your spouse can agree on how to divide property, share parental responsibilities and otherwise separate your lives.
Couples that reach their own agreements can file for uncontested divorces. Rather than presenting evidence about their household finances and marital issues in court, those pursuing uncontested divorces simply need to follow court procedure and wait for a judge to review and approve their agreements.
Mediation has become a common way for divorcing couples to reach an uncontested filing. What are some of the potential benefits of divorce mediation?
A carefully controlled settlement
A lot is left to a judge’s discretion in a litigated divorce. They will have to try to understand your family’s circumstances and then apply state law to the situation.
The solutions they devise may be creative and effective, but they may run completely contrary to your ideal outcome for the divorce. Especially for those who desire specific custody arrangements or who need to protect particular assets, mediation is a good tool because it gives them control over the settlement.
A confidential place to resolve disputes
Family law judges are quite effective at settling disputes, but the issues that they rule on typically become part of the public record.
It isn’t hard to see why allegations of infidelity or other forms of spousal misconduct, like alcoholism, would impact what spouses think is fair in the divorce. It’s also not hard to understand why many people don’t want such accusations or discussions occurring in court.
What you say in mediation remains confidential, allowing you to talk about the difficult issues from your marriage without destroying each other’s reputations.
Practice working together for co-parents
If you have children, mediation can be particularly beneficial. It helps you and your ex find common ground and start viewing each other as members of the same team, rather than as opponents.
Working together as you share custody will make this transition easier for both of you and your children. More importantly, when you start to focus on one another as parents and not as failed spouses, it will be much easier for you to have a positive relationship, which the children will be able to see every time you interact.
On Behalf of Law Offices of Jayson A. Soobitsky, P.A. | Feb 11, 2022 | Divorce |
The divorce rate in the United States is often said to be 50%. People will talk about half of marriages ending in divorce. They usually say this as if the rate is incredibly high.
But is that true? When you look at divorce on a global scale, are the rates in the U.S. actually very high?
Many countries have much higher rates
To start with, some studies have said that the divorce rate in the United States isn’t even 50%, but more like 45%. This is certainly much higher than the 1% seen back in 1914, but it is a little lower than people assume.
That said, there are many countries that have rates that are far higher even than the 45%. For instance, the highest divorce rate in the world is in Belgium, where it clocks in at 73%. This means that roughly three out of every four marriages are going to end in divorce. It’s only slightly lower in Portugal, where the rate is 68%, or nearby Spain, where the rate is 63%.
What you can see, especially when compared to historical numbers from the early 1900’s, is that divorce is more popular than it has ever been all over the world. That applies to the U.S. as well, and it means that you need to know exactly what legal options you have when your marriage ends. This isn’t something that is uncommon, and it can be a positive move for your life, as long as you know what steps to take.
Consistent parenting is good for the children
On Behalf of Law Offices of Jayson A. Soobitsky, P.A. | Jan 31, 2022 | Child Custody |
Divorce can be a challenging time for children, especially when it comes to parenting. When two households have different rules, it can get confusing if both parents share custody. Therefore, it is essential to establish consistency in how your family operates and how you emotionally connect with your children.
There are several benefits of ensuring consistency in parenting. They include:
- Making the children feel secure and have a sense of emotional stability
- It helps reduce the stress of co-parenting on the children
- It fosters discipline
- Consistency also helps the children, psychologically
How to go about establishing consistency
Co-parenting is a team effort, and both parents have to be willing to cooperate to ensure consistency. Remember, you are doing this for the children’s welfare, so it should not be a hard bargain. However, both of you should agree on being consistent with your children whenever it is your turn with them.
You could start by establishing a fixed schedule or routine whenever the children are around. Then, agree on matters like bedtime or even what they are allowed to do at home, and ensure that every parent enforces these ground rules. On top of that, you need to have a consistent way of dealing with the children. For instance, if something is wrong in one household, it should be so in the other.
Protecting your children’s welfare
Inconsistent parenting can affect your children’s future, and it is crucial to set things straight early enough. If you believe that your co-parent is not acting in the children’s best interests, you need to step in and ensure that the children are protected.
Dialogue with your co-parent may be an excellent place to start. However, if the situation persists, it may be time to explore other options, including seeking a revision of existing custody orders to ensure the children are safe from toxic parenting.
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